Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, Calling Doctor Jones

So there I was, having waited the months since I heard that it was coming out... and then the extra few days until my movie going companions were free, in the theatre, waiting for the film to start. Not just any film. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.

"This is going to be awesome" I said to myself for no real reason, besides the fact that it is neat to talk to one's self.

The lights dimmed.... ads rolled by... Then trailers....

That's when the trouble started... or when the movie started.... burn...... Maybe I was a little too hyped up to be perfectly analytical of the films merit, but that's not entirely my fault. Come on', it's freaking Indiana Jones! and plus, I feel all my points are quite valid, so hear me out. Or don't, your choice I guess.... but I'm going to keep talking....

So short premise here... um, Indy meets Russians who want the skull... they take it and subsequently lose it to some crazy old professor. A kid shows up; tells Indy his professor friend was kidnapped, crazy whatever, and the kid's mom was also kidnapped.. The professor hid the skull. They try to take it back, que ninja southern Americans, Russian shinanigans, Skull has psychic powers. Aliens. The End.

Sorry, I guess I gave away the whole movie. Don't hate me if you haven't seen it. It's good warning to either not go see it, or vastly decrease your expectations.

This film is entirely too campy for its own good. At points it's laughable, and not in the way Spielberg intends. From the ridiculously happy, upbeat teenagers at the beginning. Gee golly whizz, I'd sure just love to race you.... come on! lets race golly golly golly! So freaking happy... Anyways, that was just a little thing that pissed me off... Who does that?... but back to my point.

Lets see, what else.... um... The cartoonish Russian lady; I couldn't take her seriously at all. The fact that not only does Indy survive a nuclear blast in a fridge, while a car much farther away was pulverized, he also gets out of it right after and suffers no amount of cancer causing, skin melting radiation poisoning. Man did it look cool though.... The greaser fight in the soda shop... that was lame. They crash a motorcycle into the library and a kid has a question about his paper... Russians chasing down a professor and a kid down in broad daylight through an anti communism rally, I'm not sure how easy that would have been during the cold war. The kid, after getting hung up in some vines, gets an idea from the monkeys to swing and catch up with racing cars. Then said monkeys attack the Russians; Those monkeys know the deal. And even when the Russian lady gets mad and throws the monkey over the cliff edge, it somehow manages to snag a branch and be unharmed.... Then the coup de grâce... Aliens.... Also, The friend who back stabs Indy and then has an altruistic change of heart, for no reason whatsoever! Falling down endless waterfalls.. Did I mention the Aliens already?

I could pretty much go on like this for a long time... maybe forever... and these are just the stupid campy things that I'm remembering off the top of my head. I'm just trying to block the whole thing out really. Basically I'm saying that my wilful suspension of disbelief wouldn't go anywhere close to where Spielberg wanted it to go.

freaking Aliens....


I didn't even like the cinematography. They really overused some dreamlike filter that washed out the whites.

One thing I had no problem with whatsoever with, was Harrison Ford's age. I think he's more than capable of pulling off this role still. He mentions it's not going to be as easy as it used to be, and then bing, bang, boom, it's the end of the movie, and I guess it was as easy as it used to be.

I even didn't have a problem with his relationship with Mary. Although it was pretty shmultsy for no real reason. From what I remember from the other movies, they should both be pretty gruff and tough, and then they don't see each other for a while and they are love stuck school children.... so maybe I did have a little problem with that...

Shia Lebeouf was fine, I didn't think much of his character, but I like him as an actor, he'll go far, I've been saying so for a while now, and I guess he's made it...

I think we deserved more. We deserved something that had some semblance of realism. Not this pie in the sky, Everything is cool looking, and plus it has Indiana Jones in it, so who gives a crap if it's all nonsense...


I give a crap.

41%
ugh... Aliens....